It's 6am and in my sleepy haze I'm not quite sure whether this is The Bike Shed or Viz magazine I'm writing for. Dildo Bike, Two Right Hands and Roger The Painter. Surely it's April 1st and Dutch is winding me up! Apparently not, so before we talk about motorcycles, cue Salt n Pepa and lets talk about sex, and marketing. Probably easier to quote Roger Dildo from Parma, Italy, as editing will just make it weirder; "Dildo Society" was born as a provocation against our society's trend. Television, vanity and media try to obscure our brain with unuseful stuff, and people watch it passively. They get their empty head filled with something artificial, something phony that acts for an original one, already forgotten. They get dildoed and they pretend it's real sex" "The name Two Right Hand means that everything you do, it's better done together, we own a very normal penis, no need to hold it with two hands..." So, you're clear on that? Good, then lets talk about bikes. Roger recently fell in love with custom painting and for the past four years has been jazzing up other people's machinery, until Harley modding friend Luca's Garage persuaded him to adorn his own creation. They joined forces and the result is this, the Dildo Bike. This sex toy started out life as a 1990 Yamaha XT600 thumper. Luca ripped the backend apart and and fabricated new framework to suspend the Brat-style seat, and covered it in wipe clean, stitched leather. Neat stop lights and indicators are grafted into the rear loop and combination pillion and exhaust mounts feature a Dildo Society laser-cut logo. Pegs were machined in-house by CNC maestro Alessandro Mattioli. The Yammy's long-stroke single requires a fair bit of cranking from a large battery so Luca hid it in a box, strapped onto the underneath of the tail, along with a button to get the party started. The messy loom was binned and replaced with neat custom-made job, hidden under the seat where possible, powering a Kedo 6.5 incher up front. To soak up the bumps and bangs the rear shock was rebuilt, after all, nobody likes a soggy rear end. To keep splatter out of Roger's face a shortened aluminium mudguard sits atop the re-laced motard front wheel, with Dunlop's great looking Mutant rubber offering good grip when things get slippery. The tank is from an earlier and less girthy XT500 with a tricked-out job from Roger, the graphics look cool but given his reputation I won't try and translate the foreign. Operator of the big tool, Alessandro, was called in again to machine a billet cap for the handsome tank. Handlebars are the twin-profile type by Oberon, with thicker tube at the clamp, requiring riser adaptors. LSL grips give something for Roger to get his two right hands around and a streetfighter mirror warns of what danger might be coming up behind. The motor is in standard tune with twin K&N filters sucking cool air in and a custom pipe-job blowing it out through a fat, upright end-can from a 'crosser. Should sound pretty sweet when Roger is pounding around Parma's back-roads. So, there we have it, another fine custom bike. Perfect for a day riding the curves, hammering around town or chauffeuring a friend to a Bunga Bunga party. Thanks to snapper Good Shit Movies for the photos, ...but what's all that white stuff?